i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
