So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
