dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
