i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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