Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the day after is always just damage control
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
