he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
