those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
NoShamevember. You game?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
