He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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