just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
