oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
