Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
