I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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