there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
