ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
