she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
