...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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