I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
