Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Randomize
