She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
