youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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