glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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