So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
