You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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