Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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