I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
