I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
