As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
is that a dick in a sweater?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
