I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
