Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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