oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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