K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
