so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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