im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i think i have two assholes
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Randomize
