are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
