I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
