cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
