Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
