Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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