Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
