I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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