someone get that fucking seahorse.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
