Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
