one word: firstdatebathroomanal
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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