Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
