I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
