everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
