I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
