if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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