I love black thongs
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
