im holly from the hills drunk
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
