No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
