just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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