He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
