sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
