I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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