saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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